Friday Funnies: Nushooz

So I found these at Walmart. Are they Crocs, or just something to wear while dragon your feet?

Yo Ho, a Pirate's Life for Me

     Actual conversation with Sam:

     (As I meet her after shopping at Walmart)
     Sam: What did you get?
     Me: some ramen noodles and canned chicken
    Sam: What vegetables are you going to eat?
     Me : Umm
     Sam: Scurvy is on the rise again, they are finding adults who haven't eaten vegetables in years
     Me: I guess I should know that. It was featured on an episode of Chicago Med
     Sam: I will have to look for that one
     Me: and I am in the highest risk group for that, because I already have a parrot.

    I went back and got broccoli and carrots. I told Sam I picked up fried jalapeno poppers and ketchup. I have a reputation to uphold.

     I'm not a very creative cook. I can do red sauce, and cook meat, but I am often at a loss as to sticking vegetables in there. I don't think of it.

Yo Ho.

Round Robin Challenge: Your Mission,Should You Choose To Accept It

A Fun-Filled culinary challenge from Toy Break and

     This May be considered kind of a companion post to the one from The Toy Box(link in links section below) He reviewed wine so it's time for me to cut review the cheese.

     Marvel Avengers Hero Twists are as stated on the package, "A GOOD SOURCE OF CALCIUM & PROTEIN" they are low-moisture, part-skim and for some reason(despite only being Mozzarella string cheese)have an added yellow color to appear as if they are a mix of cheddar and mozzarella. The flavor and Texture are good, what I look for in a mozzarella. This is a product made by Schreiber foods of Wisconsin. The memory of some Mozzarella I got years and years ago in the bay area around Monterrey is the gold-standard that I judge all mozzarella against, and this cheese is not a disgrace, although it doesn't have quite the depth of flavor of that long-ago cheese. the package is 10 ounces, 12 sticks. All in all a very acceptable snack. BUT...

     We don't buy a licensed product for the taste, we buy it for the connection to our icon and our nostalgia. So to individually review each of the Avenger cheeses, I have to take them character by character. We buy this for the play, if we are adults, to remember our childhoods, For the licensing side, these were interesting. The artwork was a hybrid of movie and comic versions of the characters.  Presentation was good, representation also good. The heavy emphasis on Cap and Iron Man, plus the addition of the Black Panther places these in line with Civil War marketing

• Black Widow-I was hoping for two of these, to wield like her batons. My roommate didn't understand why I was hitting her with a cheesestick. 
• Iron Man-three Iron Man Cheese sticks were not nearly enough to build a suit. I Settled for flattening them into an Arc Reactor
• Captain America-there were three Captain America sticks in the package, and I formed them into a crude shield. When I slung it at the wall, it did not bounce back neatly into my hand. It actually kind of came apart. 
• Hulk-This didn't make me feel any stronger or more indestructible, but I didn't feel any angrier, either. Truly, as Edward Norton said in The Incredible Hulk, "Don't make me Hungry"
• Thor-Couldn't lift it. Someday someone worthy is going to come along and wonder why I just left it.
• Black Panther- Same as with the Hulk- eating it did not make me faster, or more agile.zapparently it's just cheese, not imbued with the heart shaped herb of Wakandan lore
• Ant-Man-A surprisingly large stick of cheese, considering
• Hawkeye- try as I might, I could not fire this cheesestick from my 65lb draw longbow. See also: how I broke my left arm. 

related link:Captain America Civil War: Aftermath

related video:A Toucan eats Froot Loops

And links from my fellow Bloggers

• The Toy Box brought the elegant. All we need now is a loaf of bread and thou. 

Blackest Friday 2016

     As in previous years, I started out with a plan

• 2013
• 2014
• 2015

I had Planned purchases, and unplanned collateral damage

    So in chronological order: 

• Unnamed Wednesday (but probably chartreuse)- I couldn't find a name for wedenesday but I found the movie "Minions" on an early sale for $6
• Thursday(thanksgiving) Target yielded Legends of Tomorrow Season 1 ($10) Supergirl Season 1($10) and Flash Season 2($10) [Planned] plus Zoolander 2($4) [Collateral] for pickup on Saturday. Bestbuy got me Supernatural Season 11($10) Arrow season 4($10)[Planned] and Rango ($2) and Star Trek Beyond($10)[Collateral] Unfortunately Longmire was not on sale this year, so I did not add season 4 to my collection
• Friday was all collateral at Walmart on a brief shopping trip- Sin City (a Dame to Kill for) ($2) The Man from U.N.C.L.E.($4) and the Lego movie ($4)

     I hope your holiday was fun, and if you shopped, you got what you planned and maybe a little extra without breaking the bank

A Chance Encounter in a Random Walmart

     I was at my local Wal-Mart on the evening of Oct 31st and happened to get started talking to a guy at the Hot Wheels bin. We talked over tastes, what draws us to a car, and eventually he directed me to his channel on YouTube.

     I also picked up this Warthog from HALO, which I love the design of.

Well, they call it a Warthog, but I think it looks more like a Puma...

Anyway, a shout out to my new acquaintance Matt!

The Night of the Accident

     Tonight was a weird night. It may have been the man in the next checkout at Wal-Mart who was a face painting victim and knew it.

     It may have been the discussion with my roommate, where she equated my writing style to that of a grandma, talking about the vacation she took with her grandkids at motel six where she liked how clean the room was, and the pool was warm.

     Sam asked if my writing persona was male, female or neutral, and said most of my posts were good " trunk pieces". I told her that evidently my writing persona was that of an elephant, then, or possibly a mammoth, because I am woolier.

      But I think really, that it was the accident with the kid on the hoverboard that set the tone.

     For the record, he hit me.

     We were heading down Garrison, making decent time, when traffic slowed as it tends to around 6 pm. Next to us, along the road were three kids, two afoot and one on what I would have to describe as an iridescent chrome green hoverboard. We passed them, traffic slowed, and they drew alongside.

     And then he seemed to fall backwards, and we heard the thunk! of impact, and felt the passenger side of my car actually lift slightly. He shot his hoverboard out from under him and literally wedged it under my civic. So we had three kids, apologizing and trying to extricate this fancy device from under my Honda.

    Now I feel like my car should be spitting pieces of green chrome for a couple of weeks, but the reality it that the kid was unharmed, and his hoverboard was surprisingly tough, didn't appear to have a scratch on it.

    

It looked like this, but with a lot more Honda on it.

A Little Walmart Fun

Took a trip to Wal-Mart tonight, for ramen and saltines to pamper an unhappy stomach, and had a couple of fun encounters.

      As I was heading for the entrance I looked back and saw a man jogging in a very leisurely fashion toward the entrance. Wearing a red t-shirt. With a Flash emblem. I paused, caught his attention, and emphatically told him: " you have to get faster, Barry!" And we both had a chuckle.

And then there was the direct tv guy...

Well, anyone who has read my body of work knows that I feel these guys(and girls) shilling for the various tv providers are intrusive. Recently they have also become more aggressive. Apparently not content to wait by electronics, they now approach you if they sense your presence. The guy tonight walked up on me in toys.

     And he began " do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

     And I responded " let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you."

      From there I spent the next few minutes trying to talk him into switching his operating system from Apple to Windows, while he looked more and more hunted.

      I finally told him "You can stop this any time, all you have to do is walk away. On the other hand, I can keep this up all day, and slowly  kill your soul in the process. "

He walked.

Feel free to use any variation of that you like. You have as much right to ask him any nosy damn questions you like as he has to ask you about your tv service. You have as much right to waste his time, and probably even more.

Big Box Stores and Collectables Shopping

      I had an interesting experience at walmart today. I normally hit a store to do my shopping, make a beeline for toys and check to see what can be found, and shop from there. I will admit that this behavior does occasionally cause me to forget parts of my shopping list. But it is what I do.

     So today at the Walmart located at 440 Wadsworth, I had a shock, and not the good kind. you will see by the link what services they offer. What they appear no longer to offer, is transformers toys. Of any type, in any form. The space where they used to be in toys is blank. The employees around didn't know anything, nor did the co-manager. He offered me something lame about Jurassic World toys being important.

     I told him that an important part of any store I shop at is my collecting. And if their store didn't carry my interests, I would simply take my business elsewhere.

       More if this develops further.

     The sad thing is that the big box stores seem to be very shortsighted when it comes to collectibles. They buy in bulk, and so they have old product sitting around forever, and use that to justify saying "That brand isn't selling". Walmarts pegs are still littered with "pegwarmers" from last years Age of Extinction, but rather than clearancing the old stuff, they seem satisfied that stuff is on the shelves.

     Also of note...rather than getting people in who know that department. the department managers are often clueless, or simply apathetic.

     Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to shop. but if you want my money...get my toys in.

Direct Falsehood

     I had a fascinating experience in Walmart last night, that still has me thinking about it


       First- to set the scene: in the Walmarts in my area, if you walk past the electronics department, they generally have not one, but two direct TV people there to confront you, and try to get you to sign up for their service. They generally start this confrontation with "can I ask you a question?"

     My policy has been, to now, to tell them either (a) that the answer to the question will not make them happy, or (b)to tell them that I know what the question is, and that my answer is that I do not have a TV provider, by choice

     My TV is provided by Hulu, or CBS.com, or whateverdamnsitetheshowiwantowatchison.com. this is the way I like it, and I don't feel an overpowering urge to change that. if I do feel such an urge...I will change it.

     Last night, I was in Walmart. I walked past electronics. The sudden yet inevitable confrontation took place. I issued canned response (b)(see above) and got a response back that surprised me.

"Next time just lie and tell us you have Direct TV."

     I was a little floored- more so because the person who told me this was offended that I suggested that having to adjust my behavior to tell this particular lie was morally questionable.

"Well if you don't want us bothering you, just lie and we will leave you alone"

     I don't know if they do this where you live. I don't know if you go to Walmart, or even if this bothers you like it bothers me. All I know is it bothers me. And I find it amusing that their solution is to lie your way out of it.

     So to this turn of circumstance, I am initiating plan (c), and adding it to my list of responses

Response (c): "I have been instructed by one of your representatives to lie to you and tell you I have Direct TV as my provider"

I will report back on how that one hits

I may also decide to immediately ask for the store manager to let him know I will be avoiding walking by his electronics department in the future. If I'm going to be a jerk, I may as well not keep that warm light hidden from all humanity

...And We Shall Call It...This Land

     The Applewood Wal-Mart store I was at a couple of days ago appears to have a Firefly fan in their electronics department, or that would be my interpretation of THIS:

I curse his sudden but inevitable betrayal

     While I was down in the area, I visited the famous Shrine of the McDonna, lit as it was by late afternoon sunlight.

     Legend Foretells that if you place a perfect French Fry, of ideal size, shape, and goldenness at the shrine, you will receive your hearts desire within a year

My Life as a Drug Addict

     It started with Excedrin...I used to live on those little things for constant Tension headaches. And Bronkaid. used to gobble down about three of those a day, until they started becoming harder to get, (because it turns out you can make meth out of them plus a host of awful stuff). Supplements like Echinacea, Myrrh, Goldenseal... I took a lot of those

     Then my wife(my then wife) convinced me that I should go to the doctor. I trotted myself down to a clinic, and they revealed, via a battery of tests that I had the Diabeetus, plus High Blood pressure, Iron Defieiency Anemia, and the Mythical High Cholesterol. To combat these, they addicted me to Metformin(they tried to get me hooked on Glipizide but it didn't take), Lisinopril/Hydrochlorothyazide, Iron Pills and Pravastatin (I tried for pradastatin, but walmart doesn't have designer drugs).

     For my asthma, they gave me a prescription for Albuterol in a rescue inhaler . this worked out well until that particular drug dropped off the generic drug radar(read as: your pusher just upped his price). so I moaned, and I raged, and bought my now $60 inhaler and nursed it to the very gates of perdition, long past the time when the counter on the inhaler has gone from 0 to "really??" to "are you still trying to breathe through this thing?"

     So I thought...Albuterol Pills! Wlamart Pharmacy has them on the generic $4 list! If the doctor will just give me a prescription, all will be good.


     This is what I discovered.....while the pills are affordable, Walmart does not neccessarily expact anyone to come looking for them

so they do not stock them

 

and look a little puzzled at your request

 

and that while the pills help stop asthma attacks, ordering and waiting for them, and checking when the pharmacy tells you they will be in does not stop asthma attacks, and may in fact cause them

 

all this drama to explain why I have been lax in posting. Because among all the other things I am addicted to, one of them happens to be...

OXYGEN

 

posts should now resume as normal unless life interferes again

Goofy WalMart Stuff and Random Thrift Finds

     .....Because there is not much else you can call this....

I'm not sure which is the best approach to use scientifically...

Whether camouflage or psycholigical warfare to dishearten and intimidate
flies

But clearly....

Flyswatting technology has advanced beyond my comprehension

a prepaid master card...with "hidden" charges...

Millet is already natures bird-candy. But remember, birds deserve Type II
Diabeetus just like humans do

until now, I thought celery was always ready to eat. how did I
survive this long? There was a store manager nearby when I took this
shot. Suffice to say, his answers to my questions were not
as illuminating as they could have been

Where would her fins go...? and for that matter, how does she
propel it?

what would you baste with this...oh, Turkey!

Because Pizza is always better when cut by a unicycling primate
just oh...my...god, who could have thought this a wise idea?

And give Shrek a lush, green afro...

Post Thanksgiving Sales Tally

     My shopping on what is commonly known as Black Friday (which apparently has bizarre origins) tends to be pretty surgical- in that I pick specific items I can budget for and go specific places to get those items. This year was no exception, and it is usually a solid and workable strategy for me. It doesn't save me from the maddening throngs of Consumer Zombies, but it does allow me to navigate through them fast, and with Purpose

     So this year, I had a list of goals, and a list of locations. With a series of carefully planned surgical strikes, I set out for my goals. Let this stand as the Record of my heroic journey.


SURGICAL(Planned and executed)

• Supernatural Season 8- Walmart for $9.96 or BestBuy for $9.99- tried walmart thursday night, and it was a MESS- best buy this morning yielded the prize plus $15 discarded cash in the parking lot
• Arrow Season 1 -Walmart for $9.96 or BestBuy for $9.99-walmart, thursday night- and for some inexplicable reason they had their movies in the deli section, by the freezer cases-weird
• Jetwing Optimus Prime- ToysR'Us $49.99- I didn't have much hope on this one, for a very good reason: I have been to ToysR'Us for these types of sales before, and DID NOT have a good experience. I was pleasantly surprised to find him on the shelf this morning, and put him on Layaway

COLLATERAL DAMAGE(unplanned)

• The Incredible Hulk- Walmart $4.96 thursday night- saw it, wanted it, bought it
• Wrath of the Titans-Walmart $1.96 this morning-I bought the first one on a promo for like $3.96 some time back, and wanted the sequel.now I just need Remember the Titans- that's part 3, right? RIGHT???
• Sausage McMuffins and Oatmeal Cookies- McDonalds, $1 /$1 for three respectively

Avengers in the House

     We Purchased Marvels the Avengers at Walmart yesterday. We are scheduled to Podcast and watch it this Sunday, and Sam doesn't think I can hold out. To that end, I have decided to Chronicle my symptoms.

one of these white cars may actually be mine...



 

     I will be updating this daily until the Packaging gets torn open...

• Day 1: it's on the shelf- I can see it there, when I look back. It;s right next to Thor, with a little gap in the shelf where Captain America, as yet unwatched, has been removed. It's a little like a lost tooth- it doesn't hurt, but you know there is a gap where it's missing from. Or maybe more like Something stuck between two teeth, and you haven't gone for the floss yet. You know it's there, it's a little uncomfortable, but it's not driving you crazy...yet.

Update 1:

• Day 2: I know the movie is there- I feel it constantly, and see Loki around the edges of my Vision telling me it's OK to watch some of the movie...everything will be OK...I 'm going to stay strong, and hold out. Still must watch Captain America...

Update 2:

• Day 3: Still maintaining...my hnads are shaking, I may have a slight fever. I rose this morning from an unquiet sleep filled with Stark Tech and thunder gods to the knowledge that it's still another day off...

Update 3:

• So, with Captain America watched I'm all ready for The Avengers...uh oh. That's actually tomorrow. I have nothing left to insulate me from it. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark, with nothing, no veil... between me... and the wheel of fire! I can see the disc... with my waking eyes! Ok, so not that bad, but it's there, I want it...and opening it now, the day before would be just...awkward. Podcast for it will be out soon.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Grill

     I have never given any thought to the quality of fire on a barbecue grill and how the size of the lighter actually affects it. I had always assumed that if the lighter generated Prometheus' Gift to man that the coals would catch, and food would cook

     Clearly I could not have been more wrong. It appears that a barbecue lighter shaped like a Shotgun, an M-16, a fishing pole, an Arrow, is needed for a truly quality flame, and other flames are somehow lesser.

     And then I came upon this:
     For Professional Barbecue Chefs only- the Big Dog Lighter- I'm not finding any info on it online, just a bunch of pages where it was sold, but is no longer. Wal-Mart, however,  had a big challenging display. This lighter is about the size of a dustbuster, and I just know it will make me a better cook just by having it...

the display- madness invoking, isn't it?

and a comparison to the badgers not-exactly-small mitts
 

Samurai Delicatessen

     A significant percentage of my life is spent at Walmart, buying food, picking up needed and unneeded items. Today I was picking up my lunch meat and cheese as I generally do on Tuesdays. I had asked for a half-pound of Muenster, and the deli lady had to open a new package up to slice for me.

     So I look back behind the counter, and she is using what could be described as a machete, or possibly a short sword to make an incision in the plastic so she can peel it off. I watch this for a few seconds and I ask "Is that the only knife you have to use back there?" she nods. this monstrous blade is about 2 inches wide, by at least 24 inches long. the deli lady was about 4'9" and built on the delicate side. So watching her with this knife was unsettling to say the least

     I hope she stays careful...